Takin’ A Bite Out Of Crime

Ever notice how Scruff Mcgruff is like the Columbo of dogs?

Weighing in on Thanksgiving

Well the Thanksgiving weekend has come and gone along with good friends, family and food. I know I have put on some weight these past few days from the delicious food and bountiful leftovers (don’t we all), but the real trick is estimating how much is gained amidst all the holiday activities. So let’s take a “Good/Bad” look at various activities to determine the proper course of action:

Bad – Eating so much food on Thanksgiving Day that you have to lie down because sitting up makes you “queasy.”
Good – Playing football after post-Thanksgiving Day feast & nap to aid in the digestive process.

Bad – Spending my days off lounging around and over-eating those leftovers.
Good – Taking the occasional time out to walk around the Marketplace, see “Borat” in theaters, and play Ultimate Frisbee.

Bad – Playing football for over an hour while both still very full and very, very out of shape.
Good – Playing Ultimate Frisbee for under an hour two days after playing football to loosen up those sore muscles. I’m feeling fine now.

Bad – Drinking lots of beer while watching football almost every single day.
Good – Drinking lots of beer while watching football almost every single day.

I suppose in the end it evens out, and now that the leftovers are scarce, it’s time to start eating less to get ready for the next big holiday gorge-fest known as Christmas. Aside from the aforementioned activities, I also managed to find some time these past 4-days to hit a few bars, play a few games with family and friends, and see the traveling stage show of “Man of La Mancha.” It has been a more active than usual, yet fun-filled weekend.

How sad it is that most of the friends have left and gone away, that family must go back to work, and that food is all but scarce.

Thanksgiving Message

Linus van Pelt: In the year 1621, the Pilgrims held their first Thanksgiving feast. They invited the great Indian chief Massasoit, who brought ninety of his brave Indians and a great abundance of food. Governor William Bradford and Captain Miles Standish were honored guests. Elder William Brewster, who was a minister, said a prayer that went something like this:"We thank God for our homes and our food and our safety in a new land. We thank God for the opportunity to create a new world for freedom and justice."

Let's all give thanks on this Thanksgiving Day for another year of comedies and tragedies, family and friendship, solitude and togetherness, heart and home, life and purpose.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Here’s To Another Monday

Maybe it was the massive fog this morning, or maybe it’s the fact that Thanksgiving is later this week, but whatever it is the office feels really empty and quiet. It almost feels like a Friday here in the office. I’m afraid that up until Thursday I will be stuck in the eternal Friday, hoping that tomorrow brings the weekend.

Too bad we don’t get fog delays for work.

When A Gift Certificate Just Won't Cover It

I’m sitting in my office trying to get some work done when in strolls one of the field operators. I turn to him, remaining seated, as he hovers above me with a big smile covering his face. He proceeds to tell me how the maintenance program I created over the summer for his equipment really helped in reducing failures. “Why then,” he wonders aloud, “don’t we have a similar program on these other, similar pieces of equipment?”

Before I can answer, I am interrupted by someone else walking in wanting to know the answer to some simple question. I respond and he leaves, but it doesn’t stop there as another individual walks through my door asking another question about their equipment.

I’m really surprised because I’ve never been this popular at the office, at least where there’s a revolving door of people asking for my help. In a way, it’s overwhelming, but it’s worth it as I feel like I’m really making a difference around here. I quickly lose track of whose coming in and out of my office with such rapidity when suddenly our British employee enters my office with a reward for my efforts.

And what, pray tell, is my reward?

He pulls out and sets down on my desk right in front of me, a lobster.

What?

As if that wasn’t enough, he pulls out a knife and cuts it in half! He presents me with the gift of the bottom-half of a lobster, then makes a remark that I chuckled at because I thought it was from a Grey’s Anatomy episode. He walks out with the others leaving me alone in my office with my “lunch”.

I turn to my computer and try to read some quick emails. Man, this day is going pretty well. Let’s hope the day’s almost over. But when I try to read my emails everything is blurry and illegible.

Stupid contacts. I close my eyes, rub them with my hands, then open them back up.

…

There’s darkness all around me as I’m staring at a clock that reads 4:40AM. Another 35 minutes of sleep await me as I shake my head and rollover in bed. There’s something unsatisfying about waking up before your alarm goes off. Of course, there’s something even more unsatisfying about dreaming about work.

I slip back into unconsciousness wondering what happened to my kudos and lobster. If only today really went that way…. Here’s hoping for the best.

My New Collection

My gift for house-sitting for my parents as they spent a week in Washington D.C.? A snowglobe of Richard Nixon shaking hands with Elvis in the White House, found at the National Archives. Random isn’t it?

This of course adds to my Pope-globe from Italy, so now I’m thinking about starting a new hobby of collecting random people in snowglobes. Hey two can be a collection, right?

Deteriorating Mind

“Damn TV, you've ruined my imagination, just like you've ruined my ability to -- to, um...uh...oh well.”
-Bart Simpson “Bart Gets Famous”

I can thimk of thinfs to paost about, but my min disnt alloowing meto porccess the inforation prperly and put those tshoughts intoe coheasive, fdluid sentaneces. I am strufflinf toget eventh is mudh out of my mint. Thiking meakes my had hurt. Noote to salf... read a bootk.

Voter's Remorse

After the fact, I felt like I should have voted for write-in candidate Keith Mars for Sheriff. If only I had thought of it earlier.

Week of Activity

Here’s how my week has played/is playing out:

Monday
With the change in weather, I found an urge to make some homemade chili, which turned out rather splendidly. Rachel joined me for a bowl (while her house was being looked at) and we watched Gallipoli as part of some research for one of her classes. It turned out to be better than I had anticipated it to be despite only about 20 minutes of actual wartime.

Tuesday
My first Halloween in my new place made me uncertain of whether I would have little ghouls knocking on my door. I barely had enough candy for anyone, until my mother stopped by with some “reinforcements”. I ended up having a grand total of 8 visitors knocking on my door, which was 8 more than I expected. Some girl even asked if I was a Condor’s hockey player.

I spent my evening watching “scary” DVDs until Becca and Rachel arrived, whereupon we just hung out with my Romanian “Vampire” wine and some Pumpkin Ale. I did manage to get through Metropolis, an excellent sci-fi/horror German silent film, which I am willing to lend out to those brave enough to borrow it.

Wednesday
After some post-work down time, Rachel and I went to Lengthwise to have pints and fish & chips to celebrate the one-year anniversary of our eventful journey to the UK. We reminisced about past memories and resurrected some old toasts. It’s not quite the same thing, but one can at least pretend. Besides, it’s not as cold here.

Thursday
The plan tonight is to meet up with Jessica in Hollywood, then catch a quick bite to eat before (hopefully) going to a James Hunter concert at the Roxy. I will be very excited if we can get in and for those who haven’t heard any of his music, I recommend giving him a listen.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday
There are no further plans for the weekend, but I do intend to enjoy myself. This whole week has been a bit more involving than I have been accustomed to in the past few weeks. Of course, it’s easy to become a hermit while plowing through two very long seasons of 1-hour dramas on TV-DVD, but now that I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I can get back to an active lifestyle.

And on to the next week…!

Not So Notable Discoveries

Do you ever wonder…

…why woodpeckers don't get headaches?
…if can people swim faster in syrup or in water?
…if magnets can levitate a frog?
…if there's any scientific validity to the Five-Second Rule?
…why, when you bend dry spaghetti, it often breaks into more than two pieces?
…if brains of London taxi drivers are more highly developed than those of their fellow citizens?
...other ponderous questions about the universe?

Also, learn the potential benefits of an alarm clock that runs and hides when going off, software that detects when a cat is walking across your computer keyboard, and what we can learn by electrically monitoring the activity of a brain cell in a locust while watching selected highlights from the movie "Star Wars."

This information and more can be discovered at Ig-noble.